Characters: This is where I’ve got my work cut out for me. The characters of Star Wars are loved and revered, perhaps like none other in the World Wide Geekery. And for the people who really know Star Wars (like, really, really know it) there are hundreds of Star Wars characters. I discovered this recently when a popular website I like recently ranked the top 100 Star Wars characters. http://www.ign.com/star-wars-characters/index.html I would never be able to name 100 Star Wars characters. Many of them were taken from books, cartoons, and video games that I have never read, seen, or played. Again, Lucas pimps this thing for all it’s worth.
When I stop to think about this, I honestly have a hard time with this category. It’s difficult to compare because the vibes in the movies are so different. Star Wars has a lighter feel to it, and it’s reflected in the characters. I mean, I know there were moments that were dark, but it doesn’t approach the heaviness of LotR. Not even close. So.. obviously, the only logical way to settle this is to pair off the characters and have them fight… Celebrity Deathmatch style. Obviously. This is where things get bananas…
There are only two rules in this Deathmatch of Star Wars vs Lord of the Rings characters:
1) There are no rules.
2) Every match must have a winner.
… Hmm.. I guess rule #2 sort of breaks rule #1. But in doing so, it validates it as true…because if there is a rule that there are no rules, and then a rule is made that… I think I just blew my own mind. Anyway, the reason I clarified with rule #2 is because it was sometimes very difficult for me to kill off some of these characters. I wanted to just have a draw sometimes. I realized that that was cheap, however, so I made it a rule not to do that.
There are 13 matches. As is typical and practical in fight events, I will begin with the undercards and end with the main event/s. The fights will, fittingly, become more epic as we go along. I have already written them all and the matches are often very bizarre. And to diffuse some of the guilt for killing characters I love, I trickled in some goofiness. When I first started, my intent was to simply have 13 battles to determine a winner in this category. And the first few matches seem to reflect that. Around the fourth match, however, the figurative (and, actually, literal) walls crumbled between these two movie worlds and I nearly lost my sanity. I became very sucked in, as will become evident, and something more than individual matches came to life. I tried to fit in every major character. I don’t know if this matters, but I did not imagine claymation when I wrote it. Although it might have been more appropriate that way for many parts… Having reread it, the writing is pretty uneven. This is partly due to the fact that I had to start and stop so many times along the way. Oh well. I’m too lazy to rewrite it. It’s just for fun anyways. Oh, I don’t know if it’s necessary, but I should probably say that I did not have permission to use any of these characters, but I am in no way profiting off of this stupid blog. Anyway, I hope you all like it half as much as I enjoyed writing it.
I will post the first match Thanksgiving weekend, and successive matches every 2-3 days after. Following the 13 matches, I will post a conclusion to this Star Wars vs Lord of the Rings debate… that I’m debating with no one.
So.. let’s get this thing started! Oh, and instead of Mills Lane beginning each match by gruffly yelling, “Let’s get it on!”, I think it would be cool to have Marvin Gaye start each match by sexily saying, “Let’s get it oooon”…. Maybe not cool, but definitely funny…