Star Wars vs LotR Deathmatch #1

Battle of Plentiful Dispensable Bad Guy Enemies:


 

 

As the contestants await the bell, there is tension in the air.  And stink.  The Orcs seem hungry for battle as their foul bodies tremor with giddiness, grunting and hissing in anticipation.  A stark writhing, organic difference from the other corner, where the sterile rank and file of Stormtroopers await.  Disciplined and ready.  The bell rings.

The Orcs dash madly at the Imperial troops, brandishing clubs, knives, swords and other weapons of individual destruction.  The Stormtroopers calmly pull up their blasters and fill the ring with red light, emitting a symphony of high-pitched blaster sounds.  The front line of Orcs fall, singed and destroyed.  The lines behind fall to their knees, holding their ears.  One speaks, “What was that awful sound?!”  The Stormtroopers glance at each other and then point their blasters upward.  They fill the sky with laser blasts as the Orcs press harder on their ears.  “Make it stop!!  The sound is horrifying!!!”  The Orcs press so hard on their own ears that many crush their own heads and drop dead to the mat.

Saruman watches ringside as the inferior Orcs fall by the dozens.  He coolly turns to his side where a bubbling tub of goo has a hand emerging from it.  A fierce Uruk-hai steps from the tub and joins a large group already summoned by Saruman.  Saruman places his white hand upon the head of the new creature and speaks, “Hunt them down.  You do not know pain.  You do not know fear.  You will taste man flesh.”  Guttural screams fill the air as the Uruk-hai pound their spears down on the ground.  “Kill.”  With that command, the Uruk-hai charge madly.

With the coming onslaught, the Stormtroopers take half a step back.  They bring their blasters back down and fire upon the charging terror.  The Uruk-hai are agile.  Some fall, but many make it to the line of armored troops.  They are unaffected by the sound of the blasters.  Black and white helmets begin to roll.  The advantage of blasters is being lost, as the Uruk-hai pinch off the limited space.  Imperial helmets adorn Uruk-hai spears.

Boba Fett, outside the ring, watches the tide turn and coolly steps into a copy machine.  (After his father’s death, it became his job to produce Stormtroopers.. family business.  Just go with it).  Clones start popping out at a rapid pace, hurriedly donning armor and picking up blasters.  Joining the fray, the Uruk-hai are pushed back by the increasing numbers of Stormtroopers.  Sensing the change, Saruman begins chanting faster.  The tub boils quickly and Uruk-hai begin piling out at a quicker pace.  The ring piles up with corpses.  Saruman begins to look disheveled.  His hair is flying wildly as he hand stamps the heads of emerging Uruk-hai.  Boba Fett continues to push the ‘copy’ button, as clones hurry to gear up for battle.  It’s becoming a battle of numbers.

A bottleneck appears to be hindering the Stormtroopers as they hurry to gear up while Saruman simply slaps his warriors on the head with white paint.  Immodest Uruk-hai storm the ring naked, spearing troops while naked Boba Fett clones bashfully attempt to put on armor and helmets.  Impatient, Boba Fett ushers unready troops into battle.  Troops with no armor, troops with only helmets, some with only boots, many without blasters.  They are overrun.  Sensing defeat, Boba Fett jetpacks away.  Composing himself, Saruman grins evilly and raises his fist in victory.  The Uruk-hai roar.

**Saruman’s Uruk-hai defeat Stormtroopers** [Star Wars 0, LotR 1]

Orcs

Stormtroopers

Stormtroopers blast the orcs

Orcs are stunned by blaster sound

Saruman summons Uruk-hai

Uruk-hai charge

Stormtroopers are bloodied

Bob Fett pushes “Copy” button

Clones are ready for battle

Saruman quickly summons more Uruk-hai

Stormtroopers rush into battle unready

Some are even less equipped

Stormtroopers are defeated

Boba Fett flies away

Saruman is pleased with his victory

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