Star Wars vs LotR Deathmatch #2

Battle of Vertically Challenged:







Another smelly ring, as hairy Ewoks face off against shoeless Hobbits.  The bell rings.  The Ewoks are all business.  Slings are being twirled.  Spears are at the ready.  Large contraptions involving logs of wood are being constructed.  Jawas run in to join the Ewoks yelling their unique cries.  The Star Wars group looks across the ring and are surprised to see their foe completely unengaged in the battle.  They have rolled some kegs into the ring and are drinking pints of beer while joyously dancing and singing, while a Hobbit band plays on.  Frodo and Sam are talking about Hobbit women while Merry and Pippin engage in their usual mischief.  The Ewoks and Jawas slowly approach the Hobbits, fearing a trap.  Very close now, a Hobbit hooks an Ewok’s arms and starts dancing in a circle.  The Ewoks, who love a good celebration, start to lower their guard.  They roll their own unique mead into the ring and join in the laughter and merry-making.  Jawas, at first hesitant, also begin to join in with several cries of “Tee-hee!”  After several hours of partying, the crowd begins to disperse, looking for rides home.

Battle of Vertically Challenged Comic Relief:








With the last of the partiers leaving the ring, two short figures are left standing on opposite sides of the ring.  Nobody saw them sneak in during the drunken party.  R2D2 subtly rotates his head.  Gimli gently bounces the head of his axe in his palm.  They both slowly move to the center of the ring.  Face to face now, neither flinches.  Suddenly, a metallic device pops from a slot of the droid.  With a sassy “Blap!” R2 releases a burst of electrical charge that zaps the dwarf, sending him hopping up, screaming out.  His red hair standing up, Gimli snarls.  Heaving his battle axe back with a yell, he arches his weapon overhead down onto the dome-capped cylinder.  The axe finds its mark with a crunch.  R2D2 starts shaking and all of his utensils pop out while blue electricity pours over the droid.  Letting out a final low whistle, R2 falls over with a thud.  With a harrumph, Gimli turns to exit when C3PO happens to walk by.  “Oh my!  Is that…?”  He doesn’t finish his sentence.  Golden body parts fly as Gimli quickly swings his axe.  Leaving the interpreter in pieces, he picks up one of the remaining kegs and gives it a shake.  Satisfied with the spoils, he props the keg up on his shoulder and leaves the arena.  Not long after, drunken Jawas come by and carry R2D2 away, while Chewbacca comes by and finds the pieces of C3PO in the ring.  He quietly gathers them up and puts them in his backpack.

**Gimli axes Artoo** (Star Wars 0, LotR 2)

Ewoks ready for business


Hobbits drinking







Frodo and Sam talking girls

Merry and Pippin partying hard

The crowd clears and there is R2D2







And Gimli

Gimli is shocked by Artoo

Gimli swings his axe







Artoo convulses after axe blow

C3PO happens by

C3PO in pieces







Gimli claims his reward

Jawas carry off Artoo

Chewbacca gathers pieces of Threepio

This entry was posted in Star Wars vs Lord of the Rings, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Star Wars vs LotR Deathmatch #2

  1. perillo says:

    Did the ewoks and Hobbits get to smashed to fight it out it seems? I think ewoks would have won while Sam and Frodo found themselves on a chocolate starfish journey to Mt Man Love of Doom

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