Battle of Frightening Massive Beast Monster Things:
A massive brown arm rises from the opened platform. Long and wiry, it bends down as a monstrous clawed hand reaches the floor and pushes. A bumpy brow topping powerful jaws slowly comes into view. The Rancor completes its emergence and announces its arrival with a thunderous roar. Slimy spittle spans the bone-crushing teeth of the hideous creature. The panicked crowd has long since taken flight from the arena. There is a brief period of silence, as the Rancor stands, looking around for food or foe. Something stirs in the distance. At the end of the aisle, a sudden glow illuminates the entrance way. The Rancor grunts and fixes its eyes on the glow. The glow dims. Suddenly, a fiery blur appears to jump from the floor up into the ring. The Balrog opens its wings and emits a burst of flame as it attempts to intimidate the slimy foe across from it. The Rancor roars. The horned demon answers. It sounds like humongous concrete slabs being drug across each other. The posturing goes on for several minutes. A large hairy insect leg slowly, creepily appears from under the ring. The rest of the giant spider called Shelob crawls out and stealthily approaches the Rancor from behind. A web-wrapped Frodo can be seen not far from the ring. From atop the ropes, Shelob positions its abdomen for a strike while the Rancor continues to roar, unaware. Abruptly, a charging streak of white fur, a Wampa from the ice planet of Hoth, tackles the spider, sending it to the floor. Shelob flips back upright quickly and hisses at the white snow monster. The insect is set flying again by the powerful dropkick of a Tauntaun.
Back at the ring, Treebeard steps over the ropes and says, “Let’s even this fight up, shall we?” It has become a Star Wars vs Lord of the Rings Massive Monster Battle Royale!! While the Balrog continues to roar and spread its wings, Treebeard steps up to the Rancor and they begin to grapple. Long claws tangle with leafy branches. The two struggle to gain leverage, when the Rancor suddenly knocks Treebeard’s branched arms up and grasps him in a bear hug. It quickly releases the pressure, however, and Treebeard steps back with a look of confusion. He looks down at his slime-glistened trunk and sniffs, “.. is that napalm?” Treebeard looks back up with wide eyes just in time to see the Rancor forming a hideous grin. The Rancor shoves Treebeard hard towards the flaming Balrog and watches as the majestic tree explodes into a fiery ball. Screaming, the tree staggers out of the ring.
Elsewhere, the double team of Wampa and Tauntaun is proving effective against Shelob, as the Wampa now has one of the spider’s legs torn off and is beating the insect with it while the Tauntaun cries out approvingly. A shadow covers the Tauntaun as a stomping Cave Troll runs up and lifts up the Wampa. With ease, it breaks the abominable snowman’s neck and throws the broken beast aside.
Rancor and Balrog redirect their attention toward each other briefly, and are interrupted again by the stomping sounds of a towering Oliphant charging towards the ring. With its long, curved tusks lowered and trunk swinging, it rams the ring, sending it and both monsters flying.
The ground shakes… It shakes again. The remaining monsters pause. The shaking gets louder and more violent. The wall begins to crumble, as a gigantic metal leg steps through. An Imperial AT-AT Walker steps through the rubble and starts shooting its head-mounted lasers wildly, destroying most of the arena. Next to the Walker, another figure blasts through the wall, as the Rock Biter from the NeverEnding Story rolls in. A sudden hush falls over the battle arena, as the other monsters watch the giant rolling rock stop and unfold at the ruined ring. “Hello. Do you know where I could find some delicious limestone? I’m very hungry.” The confused Rancor and Balrog look at each other and shrug. The Rancor points a giant fingernail towards one of the collapsed walls. “Thank you”, replies the Rock Biter, and then he folds back up and starts rolling in the direction given by the Rancor. The monsters heads all slowly follow, as they watch the rock gradually roll further away through a sandy terrain beyond the fallen wall. They watch as the rock suddenly appears to be spiraling downward in the sand, like a coin in a vortex. The Rock Biter screams, as he realizes he was directed straight into the mouth of the Sarlacc Pit. The remaining combatants all start pointing and laughing hysterically. After several moments of teary laughter… mayhem breaks out again.
Now facing only the taunting Tauntaun, Shelob moves swiftly and throws its severed leg at the Tauntaun to distract it. The Hoth mount blinks and Shelob quickly slashes its spinneret across the mid section of the Tauntaun, spilling out its intestines. Grabbing Frodo, the insect shoves its prize into the exposed Tauntaun for safe keeping.
The Cave Troll runs over to the Rancor and swings a massive arm at the beast. Blocking the swing, the Rancor slices its claws across the neck and chest of the Cave Troll. It staggers and falls bleeding and screaming.
A group of Sand People are seen squatting over the dead, smoldering Treebeard roasting marchmallows.
Remembering the tree’s explosion, Balrog eyes the Rancor’s glistening body and pulls back its flaming whip. Cracking it across the Rancor, the monster is immediately engulfed in flames. But it appears unfazed. The Rancor’s hard, bumpy skin appears impervious to the fire that covers it. With a roar, the flaming Rancor charges the flaming Balrog.
The AT-AT continues to decimate the remainder of the structure, seemingly taking no interest in the battle that rages within the ruins. This changes when it notices the Oliphant now charging towards it. Very large next to most creatures, the Oliphant seems miniscule running towards the gigantic Imperial machine. With its head taking aim, the Walker unleashes powerful red energy that leaves the elephant-like creature a smoking ruin… A rumbling sound in the distance grows to a deafening thunder, as an Oliphant stampede finishes blasting through a ruined wall and comes into view, charging the AT-AT. The machine fires its lasers, toppling many giant beasts, but others get through and ram its metallic legs. Thud after thud against the stout frame of the machine appear fruitless, however, as the Walker waivers little, and stands its ground firing on the stampede, wasting away many of the tusked creatures. The Oliphants turn and appear to flee. Intent now on eradicating the entire herd, the Walker takes a step toward the retreating beasts. It did not notice Shelob working its web around its legs during the stampede. Off balance, the massive machine teeters and falls forward, completely immobilized. Shelob is seen crawling through a slot in the machine’s head. Voices within scream.
While the battle rages throughout the decimated arena, four red-robed figures walk in carrying a large box with handles along the sides to where the slain Tauntaun lay. Three of them stand guard around the dead creature while another pulls the body of Frodo out of the entrails. His face is white and he appears dead. The four figures put Frodo into the box and each grabs a handle and they carry it out unnoticed.
The fiery Balrog and flaming Rancor collide. Sparks fly as the two horrific monsters trade blows. The Balrog swings its flaming sword and the Rancor catches it in its long, curved claws. Looping its arm, the Rancor dislodges the sword from the demon’s hand. The Rancor takes its other arm and claws the Balrog across the chest, and while the demon screams, the Rancor quickly picks up the Balrog over its head, roaring triumphantly, and throws it several feet forward. With the Balrog down, the Rancor hurriedly stomps over to the demon and grabs hold of its wings. Pulling with all its might, the Rancor hears a ripping sound. It gives a couple of violent yanks and the wings tear away while the Balrog screams in pain. The Rancor turns around and starts to proudly strut away with the Balrogs wings held over head. Before it gets far, a flaming whip wraps around its neck and the Rancor is jerked hard backward to the ground. It starts dragging slowly on the ground, gripping the whip, as the Balrog reels in its catch. When its about ten feet away, the Balrog starts pivoting in a circle. Gaining momentum, the Balrog begins swinging the Rancor in the air by the flaming whip around its neck. Releasing the whip, the Balrog sends the Rancor flying through the air. The Rancor lands hard and rolls several feet. With a roar, the Balrog chases down his opponent and leaps through the air, intending to land on the Rancor. Suddenly, the ground beneath them seems to give way, as the two combatants find themselves falling through darkness. They continue to battle, their fiery bodies illuminating the walls of this mysterious dark hole. The Rancor gashes with its brutal claws and snaps with its powerful jaws. The Balrog tries to bar the Rancor from clawing while attempting to whip the monster. They fall a great distance when, oddly, the Millennium Falcon bolts past them in the opposite direction. The two monsters look up questioningly at the ship, just before coming to a jarring end to their fall. Hitting the ground hard, the two beasts are left dazed, as the moist ground sizzles from their flaming bodies. Something is fluttering above them. The Mynocks clear out of the way long enough for the Rancor and Balrog to see the Millennium Falcon flying between closing teeth. The two have been swallowed by the humongous asteroid cave monster with no hope of escape.
**Empire Strikes Back Asteroid monster swallows them both** (Star Wars 2, LotR 2)
*With the arena now destroyed, battle settings are subject to the whim of the writer*