Star Wars vs LotR Deathmatch #7

Battle of Important Side Characters Who Have History With One of the Main Characters and Who Have the Letters L,N,D,& O in Their Name:








Rivendell.  Elrond looks out from his balcony at the lush trees, the spectacular waterfall, and the wonder that is the city of the Elves.  As he taps some tobacco into his long-stemmed pipe, Elrond hears a smooth male voice from inside, “Why hello, what have we here?”  The Elf puts down his pipe and goes in to investigate.  Lying in front of the fireplace, he sees a caped, dark man with glistening hair and a mustache.  Next to him is his daughter, Arwen, half naked.  There are beer cans and pills strewn about the floor.  The man picks up a red pill, smiles, and downs it with some Colt 45.  Elrond: “Arwen!  Cover yourself, girl!  Are you so yielding to this strange man?!”  Arwen bashfully covers herself.  Her eyes look slightly glazed over, as if coming out of a trance, “Father.. I thought you were away.  This is Lando.  I… I think I love him”  Lando smiles wide.  His smile is incredibly charming as he says, “We’re just having a party, baby!”  Elrond’s shocked expression becomes bewilderment, “Love him?!  What of your promise to Aragorn?!  What of your honor to this house?!”  Arwen: “Daddy, Lando is very charming.  He..” – “STOP!”, Elrond cuts her off.  His wears a grimace as he seethes his words through tight lips, “Leave this room, child.  You gave yourself.. you gave your immortal self.. to the king of Gondor.  And now you dare lay with this.. this greasy man… Leave my sight.  I am sick to look at you.”  Arwen runs out of the room, holding her robe closed around her.  Elrond turns his eyes on Lando.

Lando rises, still with a smile on his face.  Elrond’s furrowed brow slightly raises.  The man had an incredibly charming smile.  Elrond’s shoulders start to relax, and he could feel his own smile start to pull at his mouth… He shakes his head quickly, “No!”  His furrow is back.  He looks intently at the charming man, “I resisted the power of The One Ring when Isildur failed to cast it into the fire at Mount Doom.  Your charms cannot corrupt me, man.”  Elrond raises a hand and yells, “Lhach a’ fin!”  A flame from the fireplace leaps out onto Lando’s hair, setting it immediately ablaze.  Lando loses his cool and starts screaming, frantically patting his head.  He runs into Arwen’s room and screams, “Say the spell!  Say the spell!”  Arwen is heard chanting “Non o Chithaeglir, lasto Beth daer: Rimmo nin Briunen Dan in Ulaer!”  A loud “SSSS!” can be heard, as the flaming head is doused by water that flew out of a nearby bucket.  Lando emerges from the room.  He wears a scowl and his bald head is smoking.  Elrond grins and mocks, “Smoooth.”  Lando responds by quickly drawing his blaster and firing off three shots..  Elrond slowly looks down at his body.  His tunic burned through, smoking flesh is visible.  Lando starts to smile again.  The old Elf briefly staggers, and then catches himself.  He looks down at his body again and watches as the wounds begin to miraculously heal.  Lando’s smile fades.

He continues to watch as Elrond’s hair length shortens.  His tunic transforms into a black suit and tie.  He raises dark eyewear to his eyes.  Agent Smith speaks, “Hello, Mr. Calrissian.”  Lando is unsure of himself.  The suited man pulls out a gun, points it at Lando, and begins pulling the trigger.  Everything seems to slow down.  Reacting with impossible speed, Lando bends back, his cape flowing behind him.  He somehow evades the speeding bullets, contorting himself however necessary while throwing cans of Colt 45 at Agent Smith from under his flowing cape.  Many cans strike, leaving large welts on Smith’s considerable forehead.  The exchange has a brief pause, as Agent Smith shakes off the welts.  Lando looks down at himself.  His cape is now a long, black trench coat.  He has on dark boots.  He’s holding dark glasses.  He puts them on.  His bald head is no longer smoking.  He reaches up and feels his face.  His mustache is still intact.  Agent Smith: “The great Morpheus..  We meet at last.”  Lando looks completely confused.

The suited man throws down his gun and charges at him.  Lando catches his arms as they collide and is carried back into the wall, crumbling rock and wood.  Lando reverses their positions, turning to throw Agent Smith into the wall.  Smith reverses it again, each slam putting a hole into the wall.  Agent Smith unleashes a torrent of super fast punches into the chest of Lando and then grabs his arms, swings him twice for momentum, and throws him into the wall across the room, knocking over furniture and shattering glass.  Arwen walks in from the other room, apparently shaking off her charm daze and screams, “What are you doing?!  Stop!”  Smith looks at Arwen and says, “I suggest that you leave now.”  Arwen looks at the man strangely, “Who are you?  You are not my father.”  Agent Smith looks at her impatiently, as if to say ‘I thought I told you to leave’, and Arwen slowly backs out of the room.  Smith goes to pick Lando up off of the floor, but Lando has gathered himself during the distraction and bursts from a crouch, tackling Smith through the midsection carrying him toward the balcony.  Lando tries to throw him over, but Smith grabs Lando and pulls hard, taking him over with him.  They fall down into a waterfall below.

Surviving the fall, Lando struggles to get to land.  He gets to wading depth and crawls up onto land, trying to catch his breath.  He briefly looks around for his opponent, but appears to be alone.  He lies back, breathing hard.  Suddenly, he’s yanked up onto his feet.  The wet agent is gritting his teeth, shaking him violently, “Where is the Chosen One?!  Where is he?!”  Lando throws up his arms to break the hold and Smith starts attacking with punches and kicks.  Lando is trying desperately to block them, but is becoming exhausted, still struggling to catch his breath.  The men exchange blows for several minutes.  Lando is becoming battered and exhausted, while Agent Smith shows no sign of slowing.  Sensing his advantage, Agent Smith grabs Lando and pins him against a nearby wall.  Pulling back one hand, he thrusts it into Lando’s chest.  Lando begins to convulse wildly.  A blackness starts to spread from the hole where Smith’s hand has punctured and eventually consumes the whole man.  Agent Smith looks at his new copy and smiles approvingly.  The new agent returns his smile.  Agent Smith: “Now let’s go find this ‘Chosen One’”…

**Elrond becomes Agent Smith and converts Lando into an Agent**  (Star Wars 3, LotR 4)


Elrond enjoying peace on the balcony

"Well hello, what have we here?"







Elrond does not like what he sees

Arwen is half naked

Lando picked the red pill... and would go down the rabbit hole







The charmed Arwen professes her love for Lando

Elrond is angry and confused at the charmed Arwen

Lando charms







Elrond starts to feel himself become charmed

Elrond breaks from the charm

Elrond sends fire onto Lando's head








Lando runs into Arwen's room and she chants a spell that douses Lando's head

Lando gets mad after his hair is burned off

Lando pulls up his blaster and shoots Elrond







Lando starts smiling again after shooting Elrond

Elrond turns into Agent Smith

Agent Smith starts shooting at Lando







Lando moves impossibly fast to avoid bullets...

.. while throwing cans of this

Lando is confused as he becomes Morpheus.. but keeps his 'stache








Elrond-Agent Smith charges Lando-Morpheus

They throw each other into walls

Arwen breaks from the charm and is confused







The fighters fall down into a waterfall

Landeus is beaten up by Elgent Smith

"Now let's go find this 'Chosen One'"

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2 Responses to Star Wars vs LotR Deathmatch #7

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